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GMD Verdict  

Review of Flood
"STOP RELEASING MAP TUTORIALS AS FULL MAPS..."
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Map Name   Flood (flood.bsp)
Map Author   
Download   flood.zip (0.13mb)
 
Reviewer   Saig
Reviewed on   Sat Sep 10 19:43:56 2005

Fortunately this map is being played every fucking day on the servers, so it gave me a chance to get some good serious playtime with it. Fuck that shit. I dont even need to play a game on this map to realize what the fuck it is.

It is a REVERSE CLOWN EJECTOR.

Instead of ejecting clowns, the clowns end up backfiring into the mechanism and become trapped inside the ejecting facility itself, that being this fucking catastrophe of a map, and are left to circlejerk eachother off endlessly until someone decides to end it all with a fucking ANGST-ROCKET.

First of all, I have to say CONGRATULATIONS on aligning the textures, even the light fixtures and blocks tossed around the map have been aligned. I was genuinely surprised upon taking a closer look at this! Thats about it for being positive though, the rest of the map is a nice blend of bland one texture walls and pillars of repeating light textures. Then theres the brushwork which is what Id expect from Gloom nowadays. A giant jumble of garbage tossed into a fucking calamity of a map. If the author was attempting to recreate the results of losing a game of Jenga in Quake2, then MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. The map is pretty damn dark too, though this is more or less reserved for the middile chamber of faggotshitpissfuckyoudeath. Speaking of which...

LOL LAYOUT. That about sums it up. Do you really need me to describe the map layout to you when IT DOESNT EVEN FUCKING EXIST. Really? Fine.

In box one, we have crates, a door, and the Humans.

In box two, we have crates, a door, and the Spiders.

In box three, we have...fuck it. ITS ANOTHER GOD DAMN BOX AND THIS ONE IS FULL OF GARBAGE. THIS ISNT A MAP ITS A BOX CONNECTED TO A BOX FULL OF SHIT WHICH IS CONNECTED TO YET ANOTHER FUCKING BOX. Damn we should have upped the motherfucking ante on this map by connecting the boxes with TELEPORTERS instead of doors. Do I really need to elaborate more on how completely devoid of effort this map really is? Ill answer that for you before I have an aneurism...FUCKING NO.

Well thats about the worst of it. In fact that wraps it all up. Its a triple threat of boxlike preportions nobody as ever seen before. Take the ever lovely BOXFESTIVAL from R1CH's god damn shitplowing atrocity of a map I reviewed a bit back, and just imagine being STUCK IN THAT FUCKING ABOMINATION FOR THE ENTIRE GAME until you either:

A)Lose your fucking mind and go observer. GOOD CHOICE

B)Lose your fucking mind, and quit out of Quake2 entirely, then go let out your frustration on the nearest living organism. ANOTHER GOOD CHOICE

or

C)Lose your fucking mind, start yelling at everyone about how completely shitty this map, then save everyone from further suffering by nuking your own teams base with ultimate teamkilling tactics never before seen! THIS IS THE CORRECT ANSWER

Ok yea Im joking. I do not endorse nor really promote purposeful teamkilling, except maybe if theres a Grunt sitting there and you just cant let that last Ex-Shell go to waste, but to be logical, the Humans do this anyway on accident when some yeast-infected newb hops right in front of a HT shot. YOU WIN.

Whatever. By the way how is this supposed to be a flood. Where the fuck did the water come from by the way? From the looks of it there appears to be no sensible point of entry into the triumverate of boxular doom from the outside world. How the hell did water get in there? WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS PLACE. Apparently to flood, piss everyone the fuck off especially me, and to house some of the greatest spamfestivals ever to grace this mod's slowly decaying lifetime. CONGRATULATIONS AGAIN.

I thought things couldnt get much worse than Siege, but at this point Im really starting to see just how wrong I could possibly be. No this isnt exactly the worst map ever, people seem to enjoy the map for what its worth FOR SOME UNGODLY REASON, and Im not going to knock that. People love spam, its all good fun, its reckless and chaotic and apparently represents what Gloom is all about, instead of what it was originally based on...you know...that stealth shit or whatever it was.

But based on map standards, in terms of QUALITY...this is a quality waste of time and effort. I might be fooling myself by believing any effort was even put into this puddle of festering vaginal secretions. Sorry, you lose, but I lose even more for having to explain this shit to everyone, and at the same time making myself to look like a big elitist internet faggot retard to any passers by who dont know how I go about reviewing maps. Well fuck you too.


User comments:
Come on... this map is class - kryb
yea it is class, special-ed class. its a binary biological hazard - Saig
Maybe the author made this map during a menstruation cycle... - Terror
probably the author made this map by hiring a heroin-addict 5 year old to m... - beans [more]
The map falls in the same category as spambox one. What a waste. - Jose
Stunning visuals, altogether beautifully flowing map. - MajorPain
This map is a quality endeavor and its continued enjoyment is a testament to... - Grim [more]
Great layout, awesome visuals and never before seen gameplay in a gloom map... - Vitae [more]

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Comment on this review:

Average rating for Flood: 4.7/10

Rate-O-Map™

Total: 21 ratings
 
Textures
Cube

Comment: One cube, solely for a few textures actually being aligned, such as on some of the angled brushes. Like youd really give a shit anyway.

Layout

Comment: CRAP. Sorry, three boxes filled with crates and random horseshit scattered about does not qualify as a map. It qualifies as three boxes filled to the brim with crates and random horseshit. Logic plays an important role here you see.

Creativity
Cube

Comment: Nope. Its a flooded map, that should sound kind of creative, but the only thing that comes close to resembling a flood in this map are the tears that pool into my keyboard from crying whenever it loads up.

Overall

Comment: Hah. No. Just no. You will probably get more entertainment out of sitting on the toilet smashing yourself in the fucking face with a frying pan and firing a turd out every time you connect. Hell just taking a shit is probably less aggrivating, even if you had a bad case of hemorrhoids. Feel the burn.
This review has been read 539 times. The Gloom Map Depository is copyright Team GMD. Quake2 is a registered trademark of Id Software. Gloom is copyright Team Reaction. The review script is copyright R1CH.