Review of Infested Tavern
"Hey lets take gloom.bsp and fuck it in the ass!"
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Infested Tavern is a witty title for this 'new' map from R1CH. Technically it really isnt new, its been out for a while, and I would have gotten to bitch slapping it earlier but I had no review script access at the time, and didnt care to be honest. Well, I am ticked off for one reason or another and it seems like a decent candidate to let loose my aggression on.
First and foremost, you will immediately notice that this map is basically Infested Cavern. The same damn thing. The only difference is that R1CH applied his special touch of evil to it. Think of it this way. Say you hired a carpenter to put some wallpaper up on your house, but instead of wallpaper glue he ended up using a giant fucking bucket of semen. Thats a really bad analogy but its as close as I can get. Yes R1CH managed to completely desecrate this holy grail of a map, and heres exactly how he went about doing it.
He didnt do too much to the layout, other than defile it with every inch of his soul. The only true layout change he made was that concerning the side hallway into the Human base, which originally was a single hallway that provided a nice little alternate route to the back of the base, but you had to actually make it past the front defenses to reach the hallway. Well in this map that is all fixed! You can completely bypass the frontal base defenses of the Human base since the back route entrance links directly to the side hall. This one little change pretty much fucks Humans enough, but then we havent discussed the steaming pile that is BOXFESTIVAL right outside the front of the Human base.
Yes, BOXFESTIVAL effectively punches Humans in the face so hard that their eyeballs shoot down into their rectum just in time to see BOXFESTIVAL start kicking them in the ass. What is BOXFESTIVAL you ask? Well, BOXFESTIVAL is a shitload of boxes and crates packed outside of the Human base that are compacted so closely together that the hallway it resides in resembles that of Marlon Brando's cheese-caked aorta. FUCK YOU BOXFESTIVAL. Plain and simple, if Humans let Aliens build a base forward to BOXFESTIVAL, they are absolutely fucked. Thank you for this thoughtful design feature R1CH, I enjoy capitalizing the word BOXFESTIVAL every time I type it, just to let you know how outlandish the idea is. BOXFESTIVAL BOXFESTIVAL FUCKING BOXFESTIVAL.
Other than that shitty bypass hallway and BOXFESTIVAL, the only other things R1CH added in terms of layout are a few hidden alcoves, which are not that bad and even kind of handy in some instances, as well as an extra useless lava room. Theres another little hidden room in the main cavern right outside the Human base as well, and thats actually kind of neat if you ask me. It actually took me a while to find it. Of course, take into account the map is pretty much pitch black this time around, and what we end up with is essentially an alien-biased map if Ive ever seen one.
Oh then theres the real feature of the map, which I cannot believe has taken me this long to get to. Youd think that the name of the map was just for shits and giggles, but no...there is a real infested tavern in the map. Well, I actually wouldnt call it a tavern, more like a fucking box filled to the brim with 800 different styles of lights flashing and blinking continuously giving you an immediate headache. Compound that with the fact there are infested giblets rotting all over the place, and a horrendously misplaced Cyber Chick (from single player) chilling on what is supposed to be the bar. And, as R1CH is usually prone to, he stuck a looping sound wav in there of some assbreaking music that sounds like it came right out of a gay dance club. This all comes together to form the "INFESTED TAVERN", which has only one real use, to hide a Healer behind the bar. Of course some of the really deprived tards playing the map might get their jollies off on the cyber chick too. GET SOME HELP.
R_speeds? No, why bother. Theres no real need to cover r_speeds in this map, since there was no need to comment on the original Infested Cavern's r_speeds either. There is no complex brushwork or details in either of the maps, so whats the point? Well, I havent actually checked the r_speeds to be honest but I cant imagine they peak above 600 at any time.
Wrapping up, we can all thank R1CH for giving us an Alien biased version of Infested Cavern. Thats all it is, and I think thats what he was aiming for. R1CH enjoys putting us through hell with his maps, as thats his agenda. Unfortunately not everyone hates this map, but thats only due to the fact that there are Alien biased players. There are a lot more interesting things someone could do with a map like Infested Cavern, and while R1CH touched on a few of them (the hidey holes/alcoves and whatnot) he also counter-balanced the positives with a fucking assload of negatives. God damnit.
....
BOXFESTIVAL
First and foremost, you will immediately notice that this map is basically Infested Cavern. The same damn thing. The only difference is that R1CH applied his special touch of evil to it. Think of it this way. Say you hired a carpenter to put some wallpaper up on your house, but instead of wallpaper glue he ended up using a giant fucking bucket of semen. Thats a really bad analogy but its as close as I can get. Yes R1CH managed to completely desecrate this holy grail of a map, and heres exactly how he went about doing it.
He didnt do too much to the layout, other than defile it with every inch of his soul. The only true layout change he made was that concerning the side hallway into the Human base, which originally was a single hallway that provided a nice little alternate route to the back of the base, but you had to actually make it past the front defenses to reach the hallway. Well in this map that is all fixed! You can completely bypass the frontal base defenses of the Human base since the back route entrance links directly to the side hall. This one little change pretty much fucks Humans enough, but then we havent discussed the steaming pile that is BOXFESTIVAL right outside the front of the Human base.
Yes, BOXFESTIVAL effectively punches Humans in the face so hard that their eyeballs shoot down into their rectum just in time to see BOXFESTIVAL start kicking them in the ass. What is BOXFESTIVAL you ask? Well, BOXFESTIVAL is a shitload of boxes and crates packed outside of the Human base that are compacted so closely together that the hallway it resides in resembles that of Marlon Brando's cheese-caked aorta. FUCK YOU BOXFESTIVAL. Plain and simple, if Humans let Aliens build a base forward to BOXFESTIVAL, they are absolutely fucked. Thank you for this thoughtful design feature R1CH, I enjoy capitalizing the word BOXFESTIVAL every time I type it, just to let you know how outlandish the idea is. BOXFESTIVAL BOXFESTIVAL FUCKING BOXFESTIVAL.
Other than that shitty bypass hallway and BOXFESTIVAL, the only other things R1CH added in terms of layout are a few hidden alcoves, which are not that bad and even kind of handy in some instances, as well as an extra useless lava room. Theres another little hidden room in the main cavern right outside the Human base as well, and thats actually kind of neat if you ask me. It actually took me a while to find it. Of course, take into account the map is pretty much pitch black this time around, and what we end up with is essentially an alien-biased map if Ive ever seen one.
Oh then theres the real feature of the map, which I cannot believe has taken me this long to get to. Youd think that the name of the map was just for shits and giggles, but no...there is a real infested tavern in the map. Well, I actually wouldnt call it a tavern, more like a fucking box filled to the brim with 800 different styles of lights flashing and blinking continuously giving you an immediate headache. Compound that with the fact there are infested giblets rotting all over the place, and a horrendously misplaced Cyber Chick (from single player) chilling on what is supposed to be the bar. And, as R1CH is usually prone to, he stuck a looping sound wav in there of some assbreaking music that sounds like it came right out of a gay dance club. This all comes together to form the "INFESTED TAVERN", which has only one real use, to hide a Healer behind the bar. Of course some of the really deprived tards playing the map might get their jollies off on the cyber chick too. GET SOME HELP.
R_speeds? No, why bother. Theres no real need to cover r_speeds in this map, since there was no need to comment on the original Infested Cavern's r_speeds either. There is no complex brushwork or details in either of the maps, so whats the point? Well, I havent actually checked the r_speeds to be honest but I cant imagine they peak above 600 at any time.
Wrapping up, we can all thank R1CH for giving us an Alien biased version of Infested Cavern. Thats all it is, and I think thats what he was aiming for. R1CH enjoys putting us through hell with his maps, as thats his agenda. Unfortunately not everyone hates this map, but thats only due to the fact that there are Alien biased players. There are a lot more interesting things someone could do with a map like Infested Cavern, and while R1CH touched on a few of them (the hidey holes/alcoves and whatnot) he also counter-balanced the positives with a fucking assload of negatives. God damnit.
....
BOXFESTIVAL
User comments:
Nice review, guess you loved the revision eh? :). - gauss
lols - roots
Sweet merciful Jesus what a laugh :D - Nunca
BOXFESTIVAL lmao - stasis
This map sucks BOXFESTIVAL - Clbh
"vandalized a national monument" right in the face. :DA fast action map made... - Jose [more]
Nice one Saig, will you please review Chokepoint Charlie next? - Semt-X
BOXXXFESTIVAL is secks - Kain
FUCKING BOXFESTIVAL. - YAY
I will recommend not to wait until you earn enough amount of cas... - Rachelle35Bowers [more]
| Total: 33 ratings |
Comment: Much like the original Infested Cavern, the texture work is pretty sparse and unoriginal. Not many textures or blends used at all so its pretty bland.
Comment: Im taking off two cubes for that fucking shitload of boxes dumped next to the human base. That is the worst shit I have ever seen and I should take off three for that stupid bypass hallway past the Human base, but Im being nice out of respect for the original layout.
Comment: Whats creative about this map apart from the fucked up little bar/tavern thing stuffed into a totally obscure part of the map? Nothing.
Comment: Some people really like this map, namely because its still Infested Cavern with its simple and fun layout. But to me its is as if R1 has vandalized a national monument.