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GMD Verdict  

Review of Siege
"Abomination....an absolute horror....evil at its peak...."
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Map Name   Siege (siege.bsp)
Map Author   ?
Download   siege.zip (0.2mb)
 
Reviewer   Saig
Reviewed on   Thu Dec 7 19:25:06 2000

Ohhh now where shall I start. Siege, a very...very old map, did NOT need to be re-released upon the community. An evil trick bestowed upon us no doubt. Im shaking with frustration just trying to explain the emotions I feel toward this god awful map right now, and I hope I can make them clear to you.

The brushwork in this level is a little bit clean. I mean a LITTLE, in the most subtle way. At least you know where youre going, until you get into either of the Spider bases, which are the worst places for a base Ive ever seen. Even BITTER has a better grasp of base location than this map does. The lighting is somewhat bearable, until (once again) you see the Spider bases. The searing red lights make me shudder in embarassment as I think how the author thought they would be the best choice. Well, there is one good thing about the map, the r_speeds are pretty low....that is, until you get fucking 24 players packed into the map, spamming and clogging the hallways. Ohhh its such a joy let me tell you, to open a door and have the entire enemy team tossing themselves at you with weapons flailing. Just wonderful.

The layout. Oh GOD the FUCKING LAYOUT! #@$!@$#!$ WHAT IN THE NAME OF FRED WAS THIS GUY SMOKING! ARHGG!! A Siege, apparently, is what he WAS thinking. Two spider bases that are on opposite sides of the map, with the *helpless* Human team stuck in the middle. Yea, it sounds good in theory...perhaps in the mind of an IDIOT. Ok ok...calm down...its just a map. Ive dealt with Bitter, this cant be that much worse. OH GOD BUT IT IS! At least in BITTER, the game is over within 5 minutes! THIS map, ohhhh ho ho, has to drone on for nearly an HOUR of pain and misery on BOTH teams part! Damn you Bitter! I found a good aspect of you! JESUS! Bitter isnt even this bad! No! Dont tell me to take it easy you bastards! This map needs to be burned! It deserves it! Hell, I even heard that this is the authors first attempt at making a map! I DONT CARE! It doesnt mean he HAS to release it! Cant authors get EXPERIENCE in making a map before creating a map they plan to release?!?!? !$#%%#!%^$#!#$ *seizure*...*seizure*

Ahh god, ok Im calm now. I do not wish to resume this. Bitter, you arent the king of the crapheap anymore. No, this map takes the cake. It bites the big beefy burito filled with steamed baked beans. It IS the Dick in the Mashed Potatoes! It is EVIL in .bsp format! If you dont understand me, heres what I mean in simpler form....Siege IS the worst map out there. I KNOW I have at least had more fun on Bitter! Playing this map brings any painful memory rising to the surface, and joins forces with it to make me cower in fear. If this map was put on a 3 floppy, it would probably grow legs and rip the world in half! Do yourself a favor, do the entire Gloom community a favor, and delete any trace of this map from your drives.

NOTE: I know I said Bitter is the worst map, but Siege destroys Bitter in the shit department. In fact, Ill have to edit the Bitter review just to make this correct. And if the map author reads this, I dont care if you get your feelings hurt. This is my opinion, and if you have something to say (if you ever read this), speak it in the opinions down below. And if anyone out there dissagrees with me, they can do the same. All of you people who cheer and support bad maps just to be an idiot and joke around need to wise up and realize that this is one map you dont NOT joke about...

ADDED NOTE: Bitters review HAS been edited to give up its title of "Shittiest Map Ever" to Siege.

*Seal of Approval: Never. Never ever ever. Never in the life span of this world will this map recieve a Seal of Approval.


User comments:
I'm going to have to disagree. It's definitely bad, but Bitter still rei... - ThePyro [more]
You may be a fellow lever designer, but I know evil when I see it... - Saig
I dont Saig, while it is a really bad map I think it deserves better tha... - Siphon3D [more]
I just dont understand why the author released it??, Didnt they even show ... - ValouR [more]
With a little teamwork Siege can actually be better for humans than f... - Norfenstein [more]
Shit. Just shit.Nice ranting, Shit map - Hellkite
Oh I KNOW this layout Norf. Dont even get me started on it again. If you p... - Saig-2 [more]
LMAO - I never actually downloaded it !Bet you hate me now :) - Bidmix
See that Cult Members post? Proof that anyone siding with this map is a co... - Saig-3 [more]
Hum... Saig, how many players where playing? If there was like 20+ playe... - DrkBlade [more]
Bleh. - {iC}Chrono
DAMNIT! YOU ARE MISTAKEN FOOL! I can STAND Bitter! Whenever you play Bitte... - Saig-4 [more]
It's just not cheese - Idle Wild
If the mapper qould just get better at mapping...Or give it up. - Skav
Siege sucks. - Cataclaw
I like Bitter. - Chamooze
Siag was IMHO very reserved in his view points of this map.... It ... - {DaRk}Defiler [more]
Honestly... I would be proud of such a review. - Nuke
Ohhh... This map. *sigh* I never thought anything could beat Bitter. But ... - Azekiel [more]
95 percents of the review was just saying that siege is the worst map out there... - Krybosis
umph umph umph! i have rarely seen a game where the top way is used, for ... - Ranger [more]
sam - sam

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Comment on this review:

Average rating for Siege: 3.5/10

Rate-O-Map™

Total: 45 ratings
 
Textures

Comment: Not one texture in this map pleased me. I could vomit onto a wall and make better texture alignment! I could smear SHIT on a wall and get a better use of texture!

Layout

Comment: Dear lord, if this could go to negative cubes, this map would take the nosedive down that path IMMEDIATELY...ARGH! DAMNED-GOD-AWFUL-DISTURBINGLY-HORRIBLY BAD!

Creativity

Comment: There is SOOO much creativity in this map! No, not GOOD creativity, a sinister, EVIL creativity. A creative mind that only serves sadistic purposes! Some demonic spirit aquired a copy of QeRadiant apparently!

Overall

Comment: I dont know HOW this map was revived. If you played even ONE good game on this map, you have more issues than the author of this map. SERIOUS issues.
This review has been read 104 times. The Gloom Map Depository is copyright Team GMD. Quake2 is a registered trademark of Id Software. Gloom is copyright Team Reaction. The review script is copyright R1CH.