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GMD Verdict  

Review of Hive Colony Prime
"Oh Jesus, Feel My Pain....."
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Map Name   Hive Colony Prime (hcp.bsp)
Map Author   Ne0 XS
Download   hcp.zip (0.33mb)
 
Reviewer   Saig
Reviewed on   Mon Jul 23 07:07:35 2001

Who the hell made this? Answer? I dont give a rats ass! Its a horrible map, and coincidentally, Im in a particularly horrible fucking mood, so lets get it on.

About the best thing going for this map in the looks department is....nothing. Shit, the best things in this map are the Gloom entities, even though they shouldnt be there, because this map doesnt fucking deserve them. Im guessing first attempt with Quark...bad choice.

The layout is a big god'amned loop. Humans can shove their thumbs up their ass and camp till the cows molest the farmer for all I care. As usual, theres the obligatory vents, and extra shitty this time around. Not ONLY are they pitch black, but horrible brushwork within the vents obstructs you from moving around freely! Christ. Where the hell does someone get the idea to make vents "complex" brushwork anyway. God damnit (takes valium). The rest of the level is a pure nightmare anyway. If you want my suggestion, just let the other team win and save yourself the anguish of actually playing.

R_speeds were fine though, most likely due to the lack of detail throughout the map. I still cant figure out just what in the name of god this map is supposed to be anyway. Its a big outdoor area full of rocks, a hallway, a big room with big brushes in them (plus shitty green light entities sitting out in the middle of nowhere), and a dark fucking vent that is a bitch to move around in. Well damn, did I just summarize the entire level there? Good! Now you dont have to download it!

Ok, now that Im done shedding my two cents, someone fess up and tell me just why the hell this map was even on the rotation in the first place. Damnit! R1CH, can I please have a "GMD Seal of Shittiness" checkbox? It would make life a whole lot easier. Want a final verdict for this map anyway? Pure shit. Its on the brink of "Siege-worthy", but thankfully doesnt cross the line. Its a bitter clone, executed even fucking worse than bitter was.


User comments:
This map isnt really as bad as you say it is saig. It does, as you review... - Outkast [more]
Might as well make a single, large hallway with bases on opposed ends... - ComeToFragy [more]
Outkast, I may be a bit harsh in the reviews, yes, but it helps to keep the ... - Saig [more]
Yes, it's quite entertaining reading Saig's reviews. - Chrono
Saig is funny. - Cataclaw
lol, i dont even remember who that was sent to but i know that it wasn... - Shoukaiser [more]
........ you cheap snobs, this map rules - kryb

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Average rating for Hive Colony Prime: 3.4/10

Rate-O-Map™

Total: 40 ratings
 
Textures
Cube

Comment: Rocks rocks and MORE rocks. And everything that ISNT rocks is a brush with one textures that requires no alignment. Fucking great.

Layout

Comment: God this is not a layout. It really isnt. You know what it is? Its a JOKE, at least it better damn well be, or someone is getting an axe to the face sometime soon.

Creativity
Cube

Comment: Oh, Im sure this map looked different in the authors head when he visualized it. Sure, then I visualized myself disemboweling the author for thinking up map designs while overdosing on heroin.

Overall

Comment: If you can find a good fucking reason to play this map, let alone download it, you'd probably be bullshitting me worse than Bill Clinton. Send this to the flaming dumpster.
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