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Review of slimeways
"Slime, Eggs on the Ceiling, and Healer Walls...Oh My God..."
Argh, you know its gonna be an odd day when HOB releases a map for Gloom. His constant prayers of "Healer Walls", "Ceiling Eggs", and "Slime" in maps have finally been answered, by himself (psycho) with the release of "Slimeways". Bring the pain.
Visuals are a mixed deal. Youve got some places that look pretty good and some that are mediocre, but then you get to the places that looked like HOB force-fed a gorilla some speed and let him go crazy with the map editor. The architecture around the Human base is nice enough, the usual fare. Then the lower you go in the level, the more your eyes begin to squint. The overuse of colored lighting in this map is awful. Every time you turn a corner in the basement you find some fucked up colored light just chilling in a corner. Some of the doors I opened led to rooms with nothing in them but a single colored light, like it was a brand new feature or something. All of this is accompanied by darkness, which envolopes this level like a plague, and is one of the many reasons its so confusing.
Speaking of darkness, the layout itself is something truly evil. It is one damn confusing layout. The Human base is not too bad. Good defense is provided, but the whole thing can be devastated by a couple of Stalkers in a few seconds. From there on, the rest of the level, god, it only gets more confusing. Doors open up into small, closet-sized rooms, ladders that leave you wondering "Why", hallways wind around eachother, leading you back to the same g'damned intersection you left from, then you find the Spider base. Oh god it is a sight to see. Ever seen what happens when you put a mixture of ham, chilli, and cheese in the microwave and cook it for too long? Well, now you can climb on the stuff that splattered onto the wall. Big slabs of pink are supposed "Healer Walls". I dont see why, they dont heal me when I walk up to them. The only thing the "Healer Walls" did for me was make me lose a Stinger, thanks to the "ladder" texture flag applied to each wall. The "Slime" is abound everwhere as well, but most noticably in the giant pillar of slime that Spiders can swim up, leg eggs in, and be safe for the rest of the game (nice). The other feature, "Ceiling Eggs", I didnt really get a chance to check out. If they are there, well, thats nice I guess (useless feature).
There are vents in this map, and they are buggy as all get out. Every single face in the vents is plastered with the "ladder" texture flag, making it frustrating to move through them. Large classes cannot use the vents for some reason (I didnt bother to ask why), so small classes can use them to get behind forward defenses possibly. I dont know if its possible to build in them, but I hope to god not. An "added" feature to this map is some kind of...block. It looks like a gargantuan meatball if you ask me, but apparently its supposed to block a route. Usually during the start of games you can hear the Spiders slashing this thing to hell and back for a solid few minutes before it dies. C4 Explosives and Grenades can also nuke the meatball, but it seems like one of those "gimmicks" I keep talking about to make the map seem more appealing (even though it failed to do that). The r_speeds in this map are pretty good though, sticking around the 300-400 area. Probably the best feature of this map I would say. Some areas shoot up a little higher than that, but overall the speed is nice.
This map is something of a mixed bag, like getting extra handfuls of candy on Holloween from one house, only to find that they gave you catshit wrapped up in old Snickers wrappers. You can play this map, but you can also go mad (trying) to play it as well. Of the few times Ive already played this map, I am victim to the latter of the two. Some people already like this map (Spider-loving bastards), some have already formed a deep hatred for it (they probably hated HOB in the first place), but if you can find a way around the bugs and problems of the map, it should be a good fight. I hope a revision is planned or in the works as of now, and until then a Seal of Approval is out of the question.
I was really expecting more from you HOB, shame....
I don't care what Saig says... props go to HOB for his awesome vents. - Spork
Apparently you like jumping in them and seeing outside the level, lovely... - Saig
o..k.. map I suppose. Need to do something about not being able to reach ... - Chrono [more]
NOOO!!!! I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE PORTING 'GODFUN' OVER TO GLOOM! - Ryuenjin
Chrono, make StreetfightSE and Ill bury you alive... - Saig-2
it looks like goatse.cx.bsp - Eeyore
Nice map, could lose the colours. Space bace still is better - Satannum
I'm going to murder you if you steal my slime portals HOB, you hear me? - ComeToFragy
Boo! Don't go map! - A Person
This is good map i stupid now i rate map 10 10 10 devil person slime p... - Excellente [more]
Fucking great! More INBRED FUCKING IDIOTS in this community..... - Saig-Pissed
The map blows donkey ass chunks. No offense HOB :) - Cataclaw
Slime BAD@! - PeSTiCiDE
I just looked at Slimeways 2, can't find and big pink things, but it is an... - Ranger [more]
who wants sex? - Just another whore
Comment: The base textures were used pretty well. Kind of odd though, and unalignment was what I expected (and got). Organic texture usage was semi-decent too. The lighting, however, deserves special mention (help me).
Comment: Cramped, buggy, and confusing. Many of the passages look the same, which left me running in circles. Extreme campability, as well as advantageous to Spiders. "Meatball" feature that makes no sense, and vents that are a pain in the ass.
Comment: Oh you damn well better believe its creative! This has to be the strangest g'damned map Ive ever come across. The Spider base alone sports some of the craziest visuals seen in a Gloom map. Its like a newbie map, planned to look awful. A couple of Q2 communication satellites in there and you've got a Gloom version of goodfun.
Comment: It has its ups and downs, with the downs standing out considerably. A revision is a welcome idea, as well as some sensibility on HOB's part. I think Grytviken said it best in an earlier review..."Welcome to CLOWNS R' US!"
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