Been kinda slacking lately. Havent played much Gloom either nowadays, but that wont stop me from being the evil, venemous, derranged-asshole map reviewer that I love to be! Today we breeze through Cargo Ship 661. Only five numbers away to officially be called a "Ship from Hell", but Ill be damned if the map doesnt prove me otherwise already.

In all honesty the map is constructed with some bearable brushwork. Nothing is that ugly and undetailed that Id throw a fist at the screen and then rampantly begin pointing BOTH middle fingers at it in hopes that the map author would telepathically be able to tell that I am extremely pissed off at him. Of course, the texturing isnt anything to cry home about either. Its all boring as hell. The same crates, the same walls. Ok so the ship has blue carpet instead of the traditional RAT-FUCK GRATE TEXTURE that every gloom map essentially requires. Wait I think its tucked away somewhere in there, you just gotta look through the shroud of darkness called "bad lighting".

Although, perhaps its better that the lighting is kept at a dim level, so as to hide the hideous underbelly of the map; the vomitous layout. Yes its a ship, I understand, but the fucking thing is so choked up and cramped that I had to sit for a second and ponder "What are the chances that anyone will bother going Human here". Maybe some people will, just to show the other players they arent afraid to engage in an embarassing and futile battle. Anyway, you could just about say the map is one giant series of hallways, each one connected to one another at probably the most inappropriate and rediculous places. Lets see, you can either go right through the lava door and into the other team's base, OR you can go through a winding series of coffin-sized ventilation shafts, which will lead to a lower deck and a reactor, up a series of ramps, and attack from the other side! Dont forget if you get in trouble to run to the INCREDIBLY USEFUL elevator. Why do people still put elevators in maps for fucks sake. It is possible as long as the elevator is nowhere even remotely close to a wall, but the one in this map is just begging to squash some expensive classes.

Aside from the halls and vents, there also lies a passenger compartment at the very top of the map. In this compartment lies about 100 seats that are twice the size of all players. Now this is truly inventive. Though some maps are simply a maze in terms of their layout, I never thought someone to make a maze within their level. Especially in the form of fucking CHAIRS. Eyecandy is going to everyones head ever since newer games are looking like works of art. Its the damn Quake2 engine people. There isnt a hell of a lot you can do with it...exempting the new .exe ports and shit. This brings me to another thing Id like to point out. The r_speeds here are awful. I know the author tried to remedy the problem with lava vis blockers, but it doesnt help much at all.

In all actuality, the maze of seats is the most creative thing in here. That and the cockpit. There is some nice brushwork in the cockpit, and actually achieves the set theme that this could POSSIBLY be a ship of some sort. Though further venturing into the map proves otherwise. The only other thing worth mentioning is the reactor, located at the rear of the ship. Oh how I love how it strobes orange and blue fullbrights, and EXPLODES EVERY FUCKING SECOND.

All in all, I guess this map wouldnt be that bad....

HAH. Im lying out of my fucking ass! This map is truly awful. Playing this map is the equivalent of being buried alive with a 400lb fatty in a trashcan, with a generous helping of scorpions crammed in there before riveting the lid on. If I had any will to play Gloom again at this point, being greeted by this map upon return would be enough to send me into blinding rage, and probably back here to dip yet another fucktwist map into dumpster juice.